There is hope

Over the last couple of days I have spent a lot of time with two of my girlfriends M. and E. They met each other about a year ago and very quickly a very beautiful relationship sprang up between them.  It has been an absolute privilege to watch them fall in love.


I remember when I met E. She was the assistant in the library of the college that I work in. I first noticed that she was so very lovely and had beautiful skin and a pixieish face. It is hard not to look at her and smile. I thought she was sweet and helpful and enjoyed talking with her about books and the students and random history nerd stuff- like King Phillip's war- which most people don't know anything about (look it up- it took place in Massachusetts)- It was a great time. I had so much fun with her. 


About six months to a year later, M. was hired.  Now, M. is an incredibly gorgeous woman- I equate her with a supermodel- she is just absolutely stunning. Dark hair, perfect body, darkly mysterious, and before I knew her, incredibly intimidating. This intimidation was based mostly on her appearance.  I saw her and said to myself, she won't want to talk to me- no one who looks like her would want to talk to a dumpling...  How wrong I was.  She, apparently, (though I still don't fully understand why) was intimidated by me. What she said was that I seemed like I had it all together- I was confidant and showed it- while at the time, she was still very unsure of herself. I still don't get it, but whatever. 


Often times, before and after I was finished teaching I would go and hide in the library because it was quiet and allowed me to grade papers and tests.  While I was there, I would have these great conversations with E. Eventually, M. started showing up in the library.  At first, I was jealous.  I really liked E. and felt as though M. was stealing her from me.  But the more I spoke with the two of them, the more that I realized that something absolutely beautiful was developing between them.  I would sit and watch them interact with each other.  The way that M. would tease E. and E would be coy and sweet was heart warming and engrossing, and so beautiful.


One day, while I was in the library with them I noticed a change and I commented on it. "Are you guys dating? Because if you are, that's great!" I asked.  They just sort of looked at each other and shared a secret little smile and E. said, "No, we're just friends." I knew otherwise...  The sexual tension was incredible.  I felt like an interloper, a voyeur, an intruder. At the same time, I found it amusing to see their minor discomfort at the comment and felt lucky to watch what I knew was developing.


A couple of days later, again, I said: "If you guys are a couple, you can tell me.  I don't judge."  Again came the uncomfortable silence, secret smiles and denial. Again, I felt amusement at their discomfort with the question- I'm a bit sadistic at times.  I knew something was happening.  I still felt like an interloper, but a part of me thinks that they really didn't mind that I was watching. By this point M. and I had discovered that we both saw and interacted in the world in a similar manner, so she was, I'm sure, keenly aware, and not surprised, that I truly knew what was developing and that they really couldn't hide it.


Weekly, I would ask them the couple question and weekly they would deny it, all along knowing that it was only an eventuality and I must wait. It was like watching a soap opera or reading a romance; the reader knows that eventually they will get together, but the how and when are the question.


E. and M. finally confessed their love for each other to me while visiting me in my hospital room. (Just another day)  I asked them straight out: "Are you guys a couple yet, or what?"  They looked at each other, and grinned and said yes.  I said, "Its about time!"


Now they live together and seem so much in love.  I go to visit them and watch them with each other.  M. looks at E. with such passion and devotion and intensity- it is overwhelming sometimes. It's like being in a room where a thunderstorm is rolling in- dark, intense with sparks of energy floating about. The air changes, it becomes almost substantial, almost solid. I can feel her passion from across a room.  E. looks at M. like there is no one else in the room. She just glows with pure joy, she's like a candle in the dark.  Her love lights up the room.  Looking at E. I can't help but feel her happiness, she overflows with it.  If M. is the thunderstorm, E. is the clean fresh air that follows. It is so beautiful to watch and behold.


A part of me is insanely jealous of their relationship, but a bigger part is just enjoying it all and so happy for them. I am a survivor of some very bad interactions and relationships with men, because of this, I felt that true love was an absolute myth, and that romantic love in itself was a falsehood created by Hollywood and romance writers.  Watching E. and M. this weekend has changed my view- I now believe in love and the power it has.  There is hope for all who seek love. A simple guide is that it may be found where you don't expect it.