A while back I wrote a fantastic (not really) piece about addiction. It was a prompt given to me by my very good friend Matt. My flash drive ate the essay; bad flashy, bad! Here is the setup: I was bored. Matt told me to write (he is always telling me to write- he has better faith in my writing abilities than I do) and I asked him for a topic. And the topic was addiction... Huh. That was a stumper for me. I don't do drugs, smoke cigarettes, or drink copious amounts of alcohol. I don't have any addictions; obsessions, yes, addictions: not so much. Despite this, I will still call it an addiction.
I have an addiction to fantasy. I'm not talking about the genre of entertainment- books, movies, games, etc. Yes, I enjoy those, but the fantasy that I am talking about is of a different nature.
It is the fantasy that can turn a person on. I suppose the easiest way to say it would be: sexual fantasy. Now to be clear, I am not currently sexually active, so fantasy is just that, fantasy. Will I ever want to act out one of my fantasies, you may ask. Well now, I don't really know. I suppose that if the right individual- read: male- came along I might just consider it. But there is a comfort zone that I would have to breech- and that takes a lot of courage and guts for me. I am not the most comfortable with men. I've had some very bad relationships that were damaging to my psyche. Due to these bad relationships, I have trouble opening up to men. It is a failing, and I am working on it. This blog is part of my therapy. Emotional scars are not sexy, so lets move on, shall we.
My addiction: fantasy. You might be wondering why I chose fantasy as an addiction. It is because it is the one thing that I can't seem to leave behind me. It is the one thing that weasels its way into my mind every day. I could be doing the most banal chores, such as folding towels, lets say, when all of a sudden my brain will fire and there in my minds eye is a hottie standing there dripping wet from a shower, with a towel slung low around his hips so just a hint of pubic hair is visible, his chest and stomach glistening with drops of water and his belly button...oh God, his belly button... and then the towel drops...
I challenge you to not continue this image in your mind. See what I mean. It is addictive.
This addiction can lead to bad things... As I said earlier, it can be very intrusive in my life. For example, in my past life, I used to drive an hour and a half one way to get to a store that I worked in once a week. During that drive, since I did it so often, my brain would begin to wander. Next thing I know, the fantasies creep in. Flirting turns into heavy petting, into hot, hot foreplay and then full on sex. I could very nearly feel Hottie's hands in my hair, his tongue on my skin... It could be very distracting. It possesses me; I am mesmerized and pretty much hypnotized by the full color images that flash through my mind. There were days where I would be driving along and all of a sudden I would come to and say, "Huh, how did I end up here already? I don't remember going past the Dunkin Donuts." I was so drawn in by the fantasy that I was lucky that I didn't end up in a accident.
Some of my favorite fantasies circle around water. Shower, pool, ocean, pond and most recently, a river. Up in the White Mountains of New Hampshire there are a lot of rivers that have large boulders in them. After two visits to that area, and a very boring four hour ride home, my brain conjured up many different scenarios concerning these rivers. Hot day, laying starkers on a smooth boulder warmed by the sun with cool water running over my feet and a hottie cradled between my legs... Mmmm.
Yeah. That one kept me occupied for the long ride home.
I have attempted to break myself of this addiction. For a while, every time a fantasy popped into my mind, I would push it away, hide it in some dark corner of my mind. This worked, but with an unfortunate result. I became super bitchy and irritable and when the fantasy inevitably broke through the confines of the box I had put it in, it would disrupt my entire day.. Instead of working, I would find myself sitting there and fantasizing... sometimes, I could multi task. But most often, I would surface to realize that I had rearranged the same bookshelf four times, or find myself sitting or standing there frozen in the process of doing some trivial bit of work. I'm lucky that the powers that be never caught on...
I have mentioned how my fantasies can be a problem, but to be truthful, I enjoy them. They are a fun, relaxing break from reality, and honestly they keep boredom away. And besides, since I am single, I've got to get off somehow, right? Lately though, the fantasies have become stale and uneventful. I think I need a new hottie. Any applicants?
I have an addiction to fantasy. I'm not talking about the genre of entertainment- books, movies, games, etc. Yes, I enjoy those, but the fantasy that I am talking about is of a different nature.
It is the fantasy that can turn a person on. I suppose the easiest way to say it would be: sexual fantasy. Now to be clear, I am not currently sexually active, so fantasy is just that, fantasy. Will I ever want to act out one of my fantasies, you may ask. Well now, I don't really know. I suppose that if the right individual- read: male- came along I might just consider it. But there is a comfort zone that I would have to breech- and that takes a lot of courage and guts for me. I am not the most comfortable with men. I've had some very bad relationships that were damaging to my psyche. Due to these bad relationships, I have trouble opening up to men. It is a failing, and I am working on it. This blog is part of my therapy. Emotional scars are not sexy, so lets move on, shall we.
My addiction: fantasy. You might be wondering why I chose fantasy as an addiction. It is because it is the one thing that I can't seem to leave behind me. It is the one thing that weasels its way into my mind every day. I could be doing the most banal chores, such as folding towels, lets say, when all of a sudden my brain will fire and there in my minds eye is a hottie standing there dripping wet from a shower, with a towel slung low around his hips so just a hint of pubic hair is visible, his chest and stomach glistening with drops of water and his belly button...oh God, his belly button... and then the towel drops...
I challenge you to not continue this image in your mind. See what I mean. It is addictive.
This addiction can lead to bad things... As I said earlier, it can be very intrusive in my life. For example, in my past life, I used to drive an hour and a half one way to get to a store that I worked in once a week. During that drive, since I did it so often, my brain would begin to wander. Next thing I know, the fantasies creep in. Flirting turns into heavy petting, into hot, hot foreplay and then full on sex. I could very nearly feel Hottie's hands in my hair, his tongue on my skin... It could be very distracting. It possesses me; I am mesmerized and pretty much hypnotized by the full color images that flash through my mind. There were days where I would be driving along and all of a sudden I would come to and say, "Huh, how did I end up here already? I don't remember going past the Dunkin Donuts." I was so drawn in by the fantasy that I was lucky that I didn't end up in a accident.
Some of my favorite fantasies circle around water. Shower, pool, ocean, pond and most recently, a river. Up in the White Mountains of New Hampshire there are a lot of rivers that have large boulders in them. After two visits to that area, and a very boring four hour ride home, my brain conjured up many different scenarios concerning these rivers. Hot day, laying starkers on a smooth boulder warmed by the sun with cool water running over my feet and a hottie cradled between my legs... Mmmm.
Yeah. That one kept me occupied for the long ride home.
I have attempted to break myself of this addiction. For a while, every time a fantasy popped into my mind, I would push it away, hide it in some dark corner of my mind. This worked, but with an unfortunate result. I became super bitchy and irritable and when the fantasy inevitably broke through the confines of the box I had put it in, it would disrupt my entire day.. Instead of working, I would find myself sitting there and fantasizing... sometimes, I could multi task. But most often, I would surface to realize that I had rearranged the same bookshelf four times, or find myself sitting or standing there frozen in the process of doing some trivial bit of work. I'm lucky that the powers that be never caught on...
I have mentioned how my fantasies can be a problem, but to be truthful, I enjoy them. They are a fun, relaxing break from reality, and honestly they keep boredom away. And besides, since I am single, I've got to get off somehow, right? Lately though, the fantasies have become stale and uneventful. I think I need a new hottie. Any applicants?
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